Life is precious, addiction is a disease that makes us forget that. In educational institutions it has been studied things such as a healthy diet, regular exercise, positive social relationships, and stability leads to a long fulfilling life. But then before you know it the idea of living a short life and not have to care about things like diet and exercise seems appealing. You’ve essentially found a distraction so strong that slowly kills you and it’s mere idea makes you devalue your own life. Balance is something people with addiction often struggle with, or even people who do not suffer from addiction it is inherently easier to turn to what feels comfortable and safe. Those of us who are lucky enough to find the long and difficult road of recovery can relate to the fac that it is those healthy habits I mentioned at the beginning that are inherently good for us bring us home. A sense of soothing the soul.
When I think about where my life went wrong, or the starting point that lead me to pathway of recovery, it all leads back to de-valuing my life. It seemed like a part of me was inherently broken, or that I had an inferiority complex that made it seem I wasn’t cut out for life. This lead to the idea I would die early in life, which lead me to make extremely reckless decisions. The concept of living a short, exciting life was tempting as my surroundings lead me to the belief however I was feeling, or my situation, would be permanent. I sit here writing this as a 21 year old individual who plans to live a long fulfilled life. The amount of reprogramming in my brain that occured for me to believe my last sentence took a long time. I think when people who actively use substances find fear thinking about the future, and have a live for the moment attitude. Or perhaps they use it to try to be better in their lives to have a better future (ie stimulants). I know I started using when things were hurting me, and when I use those things get numbed out. The idea of living a long life and continue to feel the things that so deeply hurt us can seem overwhelming and dreadful. It can make you feel trapped in a mental prison with narrow thinking as if substance use is the end all and purpose of life. When you feel trapped, no matter what you do, it feels like your just going in circles.